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,My wife has had a multitude of mental health problems,acute self harming involving sharps and prescription drugs and ive found SS helpful as long as i was the primary carer.For me its been pro father anti mother with mental health issues,maybe the last taboo of mental health outweighs the bias towards mothers.

In my warped pro child mind if you miss a meeting it is a definete no,no!! Kids need continutity.

When my wife was at her most unwell (2004)  i had no option but to give up work and become a full time carer for 10 months,a really bad time in my life but i would NEVER have let my kids go into care.Never.

Now she is stable although for me there is always the fear of recurrance in the background but times are good now.Sometimes you have to bite youre lip,keep youre head down and wait for things to improve.

ATB 

Quote: Originally posted by GT60 on 08/12/2012

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Quote: Originally posted by GroovyChick on 08/12/2012

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Hi GT60
This is a subject very close to my heart as me and my hubby have has dealings with social services.

If the children are in foster care, if I read your original post properly you can leave any presents with social services and they will distribute them to the children.

A few tips Never argue or get upset with the social worker in core group meetings or child looked after reviews as they will deem you as aggressive which they can and will use in court to prevent you getting access etc. 

too late been there and have the t shirt

Never miss contact with the children as this is always a definate NO NO as courts deem this bad.  i never had or will

Always get things in writing as verbal conversations can be conviently forgotten. i have everything recorded and due to this i can prove the scum has lied

Always use a advocate which is free in meetings as social workers have selective writing or miss a few words to make you look bad in court

HOw the hell do i get one i have asked everyone thats why i allways record evry time i have anything to do with these people BUT will not count in court as i didnt have permission like i give a toss BUT THE JUDGE does hve to listen to the recording

If you want to email me with any advice or support Im more than happy to help Thanks

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Just want to say that I hope you manage to get things sorted. The memory box is a good idea.

Thanks for that i am in Lancs / manchester boarders

BL9 post code

I have now e mailed them for advice and if there is an Advocacy service near me.

I did have second thoughts of posting on here but i am very glad i did

you are all wounderful thank you

I will sit doiwn over the next few days and figure out all the replies and get organised.

Thanks again.

Quote: Originally posted by GT60 on 08/12/2012

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No there is only me, my parents have passed away.

The social services are a law until themselfs and get away with murderwhat you see in the papers is only the surface.

 the contact issue is under reveiw after the judge blasted the SS in court the other day.

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Quote: Originally posted by kimmie on 08/12/2012

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As some else said. Buy them gifts according to their age, open accounts for them, no matter if they dont get it yet. Also do cards and date them. What about even doing a sort of diary for them of events in your life that you would have shared and include realistic wishes for them.

They will then know that you cared and thought about, and of them. The important thing is to make sure they know that they were still a part of your life even if not in it until things are sorted out.

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Quote: Originally posted by madz on 08/12/2012

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Could you send a wrapped gift to your daughter via the social worker involved in her case?

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I was going to suggest asking social services if they would pass on gifts. They might be better left unwrapped in case your ex tries to claim you're enclsoing messages you shouldn't or some such though, I'd take advice from social services on that.

I also think it's best to give gifts to all of the children, regardless of what's going on. You don't want the ones that already have a sense of grievance, however unjustified, to have any more reason to feel aggrieved.

This is so sad, I really feel for you all.

Quote: Originally posted by GT60 on 08/12/2012

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Caffcass have show thier faced once to me and that was at a contact session the EX is Allways right according to the scum sorry Social worker because if the SW says jump she asks how high and i will NOT bow down to these jumped up civil servants.

The woman has far to much power and so do social workers yes they may be some good ones but the rest are just there for the power!!

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I meet a lot of social workers in the course of my work, and most of them are excellent.

They, and the courts, always have to err on the side of caution in any case where violence or emotional abuse has been alleged though. No-one wants to end up at a serious case review having to defend their decision to allow someone access to a child or contact with an ex and it has all gone horribly wrong.

I'm not for a minute suggesting any of what your ex says is true, but social workers have to act as though it is.

It's a really tough job - I feel they're often damned if they do, and damned if they don't. They get lambasted for taking kids away or not allowing access, and vilified for allowing them to remain or have contact when it goes wrong. And we only hear about it when wrong choices are made - no-one ever hears about the thousands of cases where families that aren't coping are given the help and support that they need and it all ends up ok.

I'm sure that when your kids are older, they'll realise that things weren't as they seem now and hopefully you'll be able to have a good relationship with them all.

 

It ihas been sugested today by someone at work to send them say £50 each in a christmas card and maybe get my princess presents.

With reguard to what the EX has told the SS my problem is it is mostly coming true as am very frustrated by these people and it gets annonying at times, but they cant be bothered to find out the real truth and that really gets me so i just put up the defence's.

anyway i have just had some news about the contact centre and their Health and safety issue's that i Kept on rasing ( another reason the SS hate me ) It6 seems i am correct again so off the the HSE Now to make a formal complaint but i wll ask my solicitor first as he has heart attacts  when i bring up H/S

It is a loverly day today for me anyway.

Thanks

I will hand deliver them dont give a monkeys who it upsets and there is one person in the SS who i sort of trust but i will get a reciept and have a recording of the transaction.

thanks again

GT60

I like the some of the others have said, don't know you, nor know the full details, but I do want to send you my wishes, so that you soon get to see your children again.

I think your idea about the money and getting a receipt is a good idea, but also a memory box/diary would also be good. If you get access/the kids back in the next few months, then it can just be stored, but if you are still on this long journey in years to come, then it would be good for them to be able to see that you were constantly thinking about them and their welfare and that you haven't or didn't forget them.

Good luck and I do so wish that you get access soon.

Thank you so Much

Niall