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Quote: Originally posted by lockie on 15/6/2012

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Quote: Originally posted by oldham on 15/6/2012

Well, if two people go and get themselves wed cos' they want to, cheap and cheerful. That probably helps as they are comfortable with themselves as they are.  When impressing all an sundry  is leading them, not a good start to any relationship.

As you can tell, not in favour of the expensive do's. 

As to those with the expensive shows, can't think of any that survived.  But at least I can think of a few that after the registry went back to the house had the regulation triangle butties and vol-au-vants.  They are still arguing today 

The flip side is if two people go and get married spending a lot because they can afford to its no different.My wife and i spent 16k on ours and paid for virtually all of it ourselves.Shrewd stock market invesments paid for most of it along with some savings.Both of us had good jobs so it wasnt a big deal and it was our day no one elses.

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The money spent is irrelevant, its down to the individuals getting married as to if it works or not.My mates wedding was 45k plus, she has a very good job and had her dream day.If someone works hard to save up why shouldnt they spend what they like,its their money afterall ?

Its when people get themselves into debt or are saving for a property etc and then they go out and blow huge sums they cant afford i think the real problems start.

If people have a solid finances and can afford it then there is no reason why they cant spend what they like on a wedding or anything else for that matter.Its how the world works.
I trade forex to boost our income and take financial risks to achieve what we want.When those risks pay off i feel quite within my rights to spend it how i like even if others think its waste of money etc.

Wealth is a very strange subject, it seems many think having a few quid is a bad thing or something to frown upon and that is the reason those people never attain it.Subconciously they are programmed to not be wealthy by their own mind and thoughts.

Think of it differently and wealth is a good thing you can give more to charity and help others around you more, if you choose, with great wealth.

What one person considers expensive another may feel is good value,everyone will have a different opinion which is what makes the world tick.We are all different at the and of the day.




i agree if you can afford to pay for an expensive wedding and wish to spend your money on that it is fine. I am sure most people here who have made comments would agree. The problem here is that the son and prospective daughter in law are not paying themselves and still want a fancy wedding. They are wanting other people to pay.

They are also saving for a house. In my opinion a fancy wedding and saving for a house do not go together. It is possible to have a nice wedding that doesn't rely on other people spending more than they can afford in order to satisfy the whims of a girl. If they have spare money to spend on a wedding surely it makes better financial sense to put that towards a house and not a wedding. One assumes a house will last longer than the one day that a wedding normally lasts.

I can see no problem in having a few quid, but the way most of us achieve that is by not throwing it away when it is in short supply.

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I think my soon-to-be daughter in law has been drawn in by all the wonderful wedding fairs and she's been picking up too many ideas when her friends have got married. They have a monthly savings plan for their wedding and their home so they are doing their bit too.  I'm satisfied that what we're paying is sufficient after reading everything on here and I'm not going to fret about it anymore.  We're going to try to steer her towards cheaper bridesmaid dresses, the photographer is booked and deposit paid so I can't do anything about that.

Our oldest daughter is talking about marriage but she will follow in the foosteps of her best friend - probably register office, mum made the dress and did the photos and everybody paid for their own meals at the reception. Youngest is only 11 so we won;t have to worry about her for some time!

OMG Homebird2003 I was disgusted to read what your son and daughter are doing to you and I would definatly say stick to your guns.

I am 30 and was 25 when I got married, I was in a lucky situation that when I was born my parents had me insured so when that expired they had that money and some other money to pay for my wedding. However I still wanted what I wanted (which caused more issues!) I was not into getting married in a traditional white dress and perfectly happy in  my lilac one (that was officially a bridesmaid dress) with some alterations. We only had 1 car and paid a bit extra for 2 trips. As I said I was lucky but I don't take it for guranted. Yes if we had paid for it then it propably would have been a lot different in terms of venue etc (which may have been easier as then my mum and I wouldn't have fallen out over what my husband and I wanted).

To us all that mattered was us getting married and having those people that were important to us there. I would not have dreamed off asking my parents or my parent in laws for money, or expecting them to give up things to pay for it. At the end of the day it was mine and my husband's choice to get married not any of our parents.

I agree with Bricklayer about uping the rent. I know you say they are saving for there wedding a deposit but at the end of the day they should be thinking themselves lucky that they are in a position to do that. Most people I know either my age or younger can only do one or the other. When I first got a job my mum made me put £250 a month aside (again pure luck they didn't need the rent), and I am glad it was that amount as it meant when I moved out I was use to a "large" sum (well it was 12 years ago!) going out. I suspect that no matter what they are saving for the wedding and the deposit  it will be less than what they will pay on bills when the leave home.

I wish you a lot of luck over the next few years!

As they say you can chose your friends but not your family

Em

I make wedding cakes and it is amazing how many people try to get hand made one off cakes for the price of a supermarket cake or even less.

I even had one cheeky couple ask me if I could do their cake for free on the grounds that they were both lawyers and were having a huge wedding for 500 people at a predigious venue so I could look upon it as advertising as I was bound to get a lot more work in the future from all their well off guests. You can imagine what my answer was. And yes of course theirguests would give me plenty of work when they learned from the couple how to get a cake for free. I don't think so. If they can afford a wedding like that then they can afford to pay me going rates for the cake. As it is once all my business costs are taken into account I don't even make minimum wage.

Hope this link works cos I think it says it all

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7288541/the-wedding-cake-decorator

Of course you're out of pocket if you are keeping your kids for free, they don't live on fresh air!

T, agree with you 100%, in this day and age it's a choice between a house and a fancy wedding unless money is no object.  We haven't had a penny from anyone along the way, saved a deposit for a house and had a small, cheap, lovely wedding.  The expectation that someone else should pay for her dream wedding is outrageous, and as for commenting on how much you spend on your weekends away, don't get me started..............

I got married nearly 7 years ago and we paid for our wedding ourselves.
We saved hard for nearly 2 years and our whole wedding cost less than £5000.
Even if I'd had an unlimited budget, I wouldn't have changed a single thing about our special day.

Weddings CAN be expensive but you can only spend what you have!
You can't expect parents to bail you out when you can't control the budget or just have a strop because things are more expensive than you think!

It is very kind of you to have offered to pay for the photographer but NO WAY should you give up your monthly trips away.

If your son and future DIL want a big, expensive, fancy wedding then they need to be cutting back and paying for it themselves.
If they don't have the money for everything they want, then they need to cut back  on their plans and compromise on things.