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 Topic: Not quite empty nest
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06/6/2014 at 12:36am
Location: Staffordshire
Outfit: Freelander 2 2.2GS
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Joined: 21/6/2006 Platinum Member 
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Just spent hours on the net with our youngest booking Open Days at various Unis for later this year, so depending on her AS results in August, it looks like she will be hoping for a University place in Sept 2015. If this comes to pass, I will have the eldest doing her third year (if she doesn't do an exchange in the meantime) and the youngest doing the first, so instead of being a taxi service to the local pub/cinema, we will be running around the country delivering/collecting offspring from campus to home and back.
Wonder if we will find time for holidays and just enjoying the peace and quiet and weekeds away in the van? We have just had a week away in Lincolnshire on our own and it felt strange in a way to be on our own again (both of our girls show no interest in caravan holidays with us any more, which is understandable...NT and open days for gardens are not quite their thing!)
We are due to collect the eldest from Wales this coming weekend so will make the most of a weekend by the coast, eating ice creams on the prom and having a drink or two in the local pubs.
If our youngest is off to Uni next year, I find I am no longer worrying or fretting. I know they will both have big debts with no guarantee of work but if I were their age again, I would love to have had the opportunities they have. I still worry about the debt but I now take the view "nothing ventured, nothing gained".
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29/8/2015 at 2:57pm
Location: east midlands
Outfit: swift 530
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Hi all
I remember feeling like this 3 years ago, my son is about to start a Masters this year so we are entering year number 4. We still have a great relationship, university doesn't change that it just gives them more confidence, life experience and lets them grow up that last phase.
To help with your anxiety:
What I recommend first of all join the student room there is a parents forum on there which will give you some support. There are lists of what your child will need to take.
Get yourself a Facebook account and learn how to use it, friend your child but remember the rules no commenting on posts, no complaining. You can at least see how happy they are and what fun they are having. You also have the advantage of using Facebook messenger to chat.
If you child uses Twitter it might be nice to learn about that, posts will tell you that they are fine :). Same rules though no commenting or complaining.
Find out if the university your child is attending has a peer guide scheme, you will then know what the university is doing to help your child settle. You can if you wish follow the university on Twitter and see the activities they have planned for freshers.
If you are worried about dark nights, walking back from night clubs then get your child a phone contract and tell them to give you a ring if they are walking home alone in the dark and want some support, you can then chat happily as they get safely home. If they don't ring you will be able to reassure yourself that they are feeling safe and settled.
For myself we dropped out son off and settled him in his room, we then went and stayed in a hotel about 40 minutes from the university for the weekend (we live 4 hours from the university). We were near enough to feel we could go back if things went wrong but far enough away that the temptation to visit or drop in uninvited was removed. Of course he didn't need us and was fine. We had a lovely weekend.
We then didn't visit for a month, it was better for him and us (it is tough). We had Skype chats, messages and phone calls all set by him as to when he wanted to contact us. My sister in law went to visit weekly over the first month and both her children were unsettled because at weekends when they should have been making friends and mixing they were spending time with Mum and Dad, so they found it harder to settle into the friendship groups.
Personally I sucked it up and didn't cry I didn't want to embarrass my son, wait until you drive away. I know this isn't easy especially if you are a bit hormonal. The secret to help is to prepare as much as possible by helping them get everything you think they might need, spend these last few weeks showing them how to use the washing machine, cook a few basic meals and to manage in general.
Remember they will be fine, you have spent 18 years bringing them to adulthood, have faith in your parenting skills. You will get back a more confident adult who has had an incredible life and learning experience. They aren't gone forever December soon arrives, as campers and caravaners we have the excuse that we are visiting the area and can pop in to see them. Just don't do it too soon.
Yes we all worry but imagine how much harder it would be if they weren't able to achieve this dream.
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29/8/2015 at 5:11pm
Location: Northern Ireland
Outfit: Bell Tent Vango Coleman and Quechua
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Thank you Madz for taking the time to post. Some of it is already done, as in the mobile contract and the FB (he doesn't use Twitter).
I can't go over and see him easily, due to the costs and the ferry, but at the same time I wouldn't be too keen to disturb him through that first term. He's already said he doesn't want me to visit, although I'll tentatively ask him that again in and around October and hopefully get a night or two over.
He's a bit Aspergers, undiagnosed (cause enough to investigate but no conclusion, were told he's borderline) but he certainly has stronger traits as he gets older. He's very fixed in things like his opinion of people, e.g. he hates drunk people and one of his concerns is that he'll have to look after drunk room mates. I suspect that there'll be lots of challenges for him to come.
We are sailing over on the Friday evening, staying in a hotel that night. The rough plan so far is that on the Saturday morning move him in, then a trip to the shop to fill up on some fresh food and some last minute things. I'll leave him at Halls and go back to the hotel. I'll have to keep myself busy as I'm not leaving until late the next evening. I have asked him if he wants to meet up for a big Sunday Lunch and he said yes to that. I'll meet up with him somewhere nearby and then we'll go off on our separate ways.
The move in day changed, if I'd have known I wouldn't have stayed an extra night.
Thanks for the tip about 'The Student Room' I'll go have a look now.
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