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 Topic: lonliness ( Topic Closed)
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03/3/2017 at 2:51pm
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first of all, thanks to all those that have taken the time with this post
firstly the daughter and mil suggest, my daughter works, and that is when I have the kids, she works in retail so unfortunately has no time as that is taken up with the toddler and the baby, and although my mil and I are ok, her trips out just aren't my cuppa tea! yeah I know I can hear you all negative negative, really its not that, its just I have never enjoyed the sort of things she does.
the reason I said that I lied to my husband was simply that we have had these conversations so many times in the past, for nothing to ever result from any of it, the promises he made then simply don't result in anything at all, to sit and talk to him now, well he kinda just turns off, immediately, makes some noises at what seem appropriate times, and you know that feeling you get when you know hes just not bothered? so when he asks I just tell him what he wants to hear now. rightly or wrongly, it keeps the peace for him.
yes I agree I need a life for myself, but that isn't going to happen til the kids are at school, in fact today because I had to phone up telling daughter I'm ill, which is the first time in 3 years! and I'm the one feeling guilty about it
yes I smile at people when I'm out, however you would think I lived in London with the reaction I get! eyes down run like mad!!!
the joining a choir suggestion made me laugh! I'm totally tone deaf, the only p0lace I will sing is in the car on my own, and have a fear of breaking the glass on it one day lol
the councelling suggestion - well as I said much earlier I have tried that in the past, the current waiting list is approz 12 months, then if and when you do get to see them, you sit and explain what is the problem the hr goes by they make another apt for 2 weeks time for you only to find that its a different person so you have to sit and explain things all again, nothing ever gets resolved
I really don't approve of those justgiving sites, I look on them as tantamount to begging!
ok some of you may have been thr something similar, and come out the other side, but its down to where you live and what is available, around here there is little going on and what there is just really isn't my cup of tea, the u3a thing I have taken a look at but it puts me off when they want £30 before you even go along to see if its the sort of thing you like, yes I did speak to someone on the phone
as for having a goal in life, I really don't have any, I cant think of anything at all, unless you count waking up each morning for 6 days and then realise that the kids are due in a couple of hrs and I better get sorted for them coming around
as for going along to something on my own then hell yes I'm nervous, not just mildy but bordering terrified,
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03/3/2017 at 3:26pm
Location: Ayrshire
Outfit: Trigano Tribute 669
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Oh Marge. I really feel for you. I've read this entire thread before answering.
I have depression, anxiety disorder and OCD. It's a living nightmare most of the time. But it's the depression I want to focus on. There is no doubt in my mind that you are terribly depressed and possibly suffering with an amount of anxiety (particularly social anxiety). And when I say anxiety, I don't mean "worry" - I mean fear. Because that's what anxiety is.
All your responses really resonate with me, because right now, I can't bear to do anything. The only reason I do, is because I have teenaged children. But if they were grown and away from home, I would be like you. The way your mindset is just now, it wouldn't matter if we offered you a miracle - you still wouldn't want it. Depression fills your head with a lot of lies about yourself and grinds you down to nothing. I'm glad you have talked to us about how you're feeling and when you're ready, I really want you to see your GP. I didn't want pills either. I didn't trust the GP. But they are necessary and you don't have to take them forever. You need to tell the GP that you aren't keen on medication. But a short course of them could make enough of a difference to you, that you will be able to try one new thing. Bear in mind that all antidepressants take at least 2 weeks to really begin to work, so a "short course" may mean something like 3 months.
You sound so unhappy and I'm very sorry to read that. I know so much how that feels. You have very low self-esteem and things don't sound too good with him indoors. My depression and anxiety takes a big toll on my marriage at times and unfortunately, sometimes we have to face that it's our issues that make the marriage feel rubbish. You're in a total rut of longing for change but too overwhelmed to do anything about it.
My best advice to you, is get to your GP and don't be afraid or ashamed to take meds. Your body needs them - remember this is all a chemical problem, it doesn't mean you are odd or strange. It doesn't make you a failure. Your body needs help because it's a chemical imbalance. Slowly, you will gain just a glimmer of confidence or motivation to try one new thing. It's very hard when you have pain or mobility issues - it makes a lot of things in life seem impossible.
Can I ask - have you had physio and occupational therapy for your ankle? It would certainly be worth asking for a bit more help with your mobility. Do you have a good relationship with your daughter? If you do, please talk to her. Tell her from your heart how you feel. I don't know about you, but when I am severely depressed, I am really grumpy! And it's not till I burst into tears and talk to my hubby gently, that he really understands how I'm feeling.
Please see your GP and make that first step. I don't think you're ready to try going to things. Everyone has made really super suggestions and you'll be ready for something new very soon. I'm not going to suggest you start joining things or anything - but if you would please trust me that you need to see your GP and you are very, very depressed. Loneliness makes it all so much harder and you can tackle that when you feel a little stronger. Xxx
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Gillian
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03/3/2017 at 4:25pm
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I wondered if someone would comment regarding that! no Jazzi that's no a concern here ok.
weegemack, although my daughter and I are ok, I wouldn't bring any of this up to her, she unfortunately hasn't got a good listening ear, if you like, hubby has "endulged" her far to much so she favours her dad in far to many ways and will think nothing of attacking me verbally. I have been back to the docs several times over my ankle, and they insist that there is nothing wrong, so tell me why I cant walk far on it before I'm in agony then? they have no answer and do nothing, then again that accounts for most of the times we ask for help in one way or another from the docs here, get you in get you out the door quick and do as little as they can also I am relucatant to take anti depressants as for the side effects I had last time around 15 yrs ago, and without going into detail I became housebound to the extent I couldn't leave the bathroom!
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