Message Forums

Quote: Originally posted by wilsonfamilyx6 on 09/9/2012

---

I dont think you could prepare for anything like this.

 

---

I agree.  I think it's best not to "plan" your feelings or thoughts and just go with the flow.  You probably will surprise yourself with how resilient and strong you actually are and how you can adapt to pressure/stress during this awful time.

I would like to add also that you both sound like wonderful people, and to remain like you have as good friends for your children deserves much admiration.

Ive just been through a very a hard time as my Grandson was only given 2 weeks to live at the end of may everyday was a fight but he got through 8 weeks then  passed away peace fully at 11 months and 18 days old, because my daughter and other half nurserd Oliver at home with the help district nurses and Donna Louise trust. some days its mintue by minute then some it was day by day. like others have said you must all talk and pull together. Thinking of you all.

I know how this feels, my dad died just over a year ago and it's still hard to talk about it.

Our local hospice were invaluable and arranged for the hospice at home team to move everything needed to dad's home.  The local community nurses were also coming into the house several times a day and also at night, to give us a break and allow us to get some sleep. 

We were all with him until he took his last breath, as he wanted, in his own home.   He knew he was near the end of life and when the illness became too much for him, he seemed glad to let go, and we to let him.  It's horrible watching someone you love suffer like this but without getting the professional care dad needed, we would never have managed on our own.

No one can tell you how to cope as we all do this differently.    All you can do is go with your natural feelings and get all the practical help you need. 

You are entitled to grieve...you are the mother of his children. As you say, you made them together and took an equal part in bringing them up.   Don't worry too much about what others are saying at the moment, there are more important things.

The new partner probably resents you because you had the children together and they will always be a part of him.   Hopefully no restrictions are being placed on them seeing their dad.

By the way, if the dam bursts, so be it.    It's all part of the painful process I'm afraid.  Grief is painful, losing loved ones hurts and only time passing slowly seems to make it more bearable.

Quote: Originally posted by Scampi on 10/9/2012

---

My advice would be TALK to your daughters.  Your girls are 22 and 24 - adults - they are more than capable of understanding your hurt and you can support eachother. 

---

Really sorry to read this, and I'm shocked that you're being excluded from seeing him. I daresay his partner is upset and angry with the world and not feeling very compassionate.

I think everyone deals with grief and bereavement in their own ways and there's no handbook for how to do it. Just being open about your feelings and sharing them is a great help though, and being listened to.

When my best friend of 20+ years died, someone told me something that I found strangely comforting: he said that grief is the price we pay for love.

That made me think of all that I had gained from our friendship, and not what I had lost by his passing, and helped me move to a place where the sense of loss was replaced by loving memories. That was 13 years ago, and I still think of him every single day, but now it's with gladness.

So sorry to hear this, can't really suggest anything though. My SIL has just died at 40 after a short struggle with cancer and my brother is in such a state but trying to hold things together for my 9 year old nephew. He is old enough to understand and everyone has been straight with him. Rachel died at home and apparently had a lot of help from distric nurses etc.

Anne

Quote: Originally posted by Robyn4Life on 11/9/2012

---

Jo123 - Im so sorry you too had to experience this at such a young age. How long did it take you to start to feel better? Im so worried about my girls x

---