Just after some thoughts and advise please. Sadly I've just lost my 55 year old brother to cancer, the funeral being 1 week ago. My Mum and Dad are both house bound and suffer ill health and were unable to go to the funeral.
None of us really feel like celebrating Christmas obviously but I thought I ought to send some cards. I've decided to make an appropriate one for my Mum and Dad and I'm struggling to find the right words to put in it. Although I'm grieving too I feel so sad for my parents; no one expects and hopes not to out-live their children no matter what age the parents or the 'child'.
Can anyone point me in the right direction please? Thanks very much.
It's very difficult knowing what to put at this time of year. I would just let them know you are thinking of them and if you live close to let them know you will be there for them.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to lose a beloved brother through cancer.
Im so sorry to hear of your loss. Our family too is battling cancer........very very sad for everyone. The words will come to you somehow. Just say what comes to you naturally x
------------- If life gives you lemons throw them at someone :)
My condolences.
The hardest ones are the firsts without a loved one. First Christmas, first birthday etc.
Yes I know that your loss is raw - but there is another way to look at things which may help - it did for me - and that it to say what would your brother want. I know that it is hard, having been there, but would you brother want to to be sorrowful, or to celebrate as normal.
We are coming up to the third Christmas without my dad and my brother (we buried my dad ten weeks after my brother, so I understand about your parents not expecting to outlive a child) - and I have always tried to keep things as normal as possible for the children as that is what they would have wanted.
Sometimes it is hard - tomorrow Alice, her dad and I are involved in a nativity play - but not Pip, but as he is too young to be left all day he will have to come with us - we really miss my brother who would have looked after him, (I didn't offer to help - I was volunteered, without thought of the fact that I have a child who can not be left - and Richard didn't have the sense to say that it would be impossible for me because of Pip) - would give anything to be able to have phoned my brother and arranged for Pip to stay with him tonight and tomorrow.
Keep any messages simple - something along the lines of Holding you in my thoughts (and prayers) this Christmas.
You can buy cards especially for this type of occasion - I bought one recently for my Aunt, who lost her husband this year. Look in the general Christmas card section of the bigger card shops and you may find what you are looking for.
I send my sympathy at this difficult time - I lost my Dad at Christmas some years ago but, knowing how much he loved Christmas, we tried to celebrate as best we were able and it is now the time of year when we carry on the traditions he loved and talk about him a lot. This year will be hard for you all but I sincerely hope that in future years your happier memories will bring you comfort.
I just wanted to say how very sorry I am to hear of your loss, always especially difficult at this time of year.
We have lost two cousins (one is his early 40's with young children of his own) this year, along with a close family friend, all to cancer. I know this Christmas will be a difficult one for you and your family.
I don't think it matters too much what you say, as there is nothing anyone can say that will ease the raw grief that you and they are feeling. I think the fact that you have taken the trouble to make them a card, even in your own grief, the fact that they know they still have you and that you love them and grieve with them will be the best comfort of all.
------------- Im no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one!
I'm overwhelmed with your replies, thank you so much everyone and I'm also so sorry to hear of the loss of your loved ones, my sympathies to you all.
Thank you for your thoughts and advice, it's always comforting to know that people are thinking of you and sad though it is, other people are going through the same. Thanks once again and best wishes.
It is a comfort especially when people you do not know take the time to write their kind thoughts and wishes at an especially busy time of year. I lost my Dad on the 25th Nov, Mum had a stroke on her first day aone after we returned from staying with her in Scotland and then this morning I had to have the dog put to sleep. It is the kindess of people around you - and on forums like this - that helps ease the pain and also offers support in many ways that you can not even contemplate. I know I have a huge respect for those that have offered their condolences, support and advice.
Sincere condolences, Jules. It must be very difficult to send out Xmas cards wishing anyone a merry time whilst suffering such sadness oneself. You could put something like, "Even in the face of our sad loss, we still wish you a Good Xmas and a prosperous New Year".