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 Topic: Not quite empty nest
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06/6/2014 at 12:36am
Location: Staffordshire
Outfit: Freelander 2 2.2GS
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Just spent hours on the net with our youngest booking Open Days at various Unis for later this year, so depending on her AS results in August, it looks like she will be hoping for a University place in Sept 2015. If this comes to pass, I will have the eldest doing her third year (if she doesn't do an exchange in the meantime) and the youngest doing the first, so instead of being a taxi service to the local pub/cinema, we will be running around the country delivering/collecting offspring from campus to home and back.
Wonder if we will find time for holidays and just enjoying the peace and quiet and weekeds away in the van? We have just had a week away in Lincolnshire on our own and it felt strange in a way to be on our own again (both of our girls show no interest in caravan holidays with us any more, which is understandable...NT and open days for gardens are not quite their thing!)
We are due to collect the eldest from Wales this coming weekend so will make the most of a weekend by the coast, eating ice creams on the prom and having a drink or two in the local pubs.
If our youngest is off to Uni next year, I find I am no longer worrying or fretting. I know they will both have big debts with no guarantee of work but if I were their age again, I would love to have had the opportunities they have. I still worry about the debt but I now take the view "nothing ventured, nothing gained".
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06/6/2014 at 7:36am
Location: Doncaster
Outfit: Autotrail Apache 700
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OP - Eldest went to Uni two years ago, younger sister bagged his room, only fair as he's had the big room for years. The dog adjusted as will you. I had one breakdown (in Asda, very embarrassing!) and you get on with it. I found it amazing how quickly you adjust.
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Sandra
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10/1/2015 at 7:22pm
Location: Staffordshire
Outfit: Freelander 2 2.2GS
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Update.
Well here I am, Jan 2015 and the eldest is well into her 2nd year, currently sitting exams (which apparently are going well). The youngest has had offers from all the Unis she applied to, so it looks likely she will be leaving us in September.
It will be a difficult time come September, waving goodbye and going back to a house empty of offspring. I'm trying to focus on the fact that hubby and I will have time for what we want to do now, having for so many years devoted our time and energies into bringing up the girls.
They still need us though. Mom is the first person they both ring when problems arise, so they never truly leave you. We are also the first port of call when they run out of cash!
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28/8/2015 at 11:18pm
Location: Staffordshire
Outfit: Freelander 2 2.2GS
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Final update.
Our youngest got her A level results - they went well and she is off to Uni on 12th September. We are currently arranging accommodation/finance and packing her up, ready for the off.
I am getting a little upset at the prospect of our youngest leaving home, but nothing like as bad as I was when the eldest went 2 years ago.
I wasn't made redundant (surprise there) and am still in the same long term job for the moment, so we are now looking to plan for early retirement when the youngest finishes her course in 3 years time.
The only fly in the ointment is that our caravan was broken into and ruined (thousands of pounds worth of damage, probably an insurance write off) so we are not sure whether or not to replace it.
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29/8/2015 at 10:21am
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Stuart, I think I may have met some of your 'children' when I was travelling back from France.
They were with some Albanians and heading to Leigh to take them to their short term let.
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Ollie
2016
Monplaisir - Provence
Camping Les Gorges du Loup
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29/8/2015 at 10:35am
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Ah so it was you.
I hope they were not too rude when they declined the offer of your wife, but it was a hygiene problem, they have always been pernickety over that.
The Albanians have settled in nicely and are paying £1400 per week.
I just love illegal immigrants
Post last edited on 29/08/2015 10:43:33
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29/8/2015 at 11:42am
Location: Northern Ireland
Outfit: Bell Tent Vango Coleman and Quechua
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3 weeks to go with sending my eldest off to Carlisle for the first time. It's not just that he's going to Uni, as we live in Northern Ireland it's across a body of water for us as well. I'm really pleased for him and so proud but I'm not sleeping that well and have lots of little worries.
At the moment I'm stressing about how dark it gets in the winter and I don't think all those cycle paths could be safe after dark. The University does a bike hire scheme and encourage cycling, his halls are four miles across the city from main area of study and there's a great cycling network. However some of them are alongside canals and I just worry they're not covered by cameras etc.
I didn't go to Uni but I did attend a FE college which meant living away from home between the ages of 19 and 21 in a university area. I have no idea about halls, checking in, moving day and on top of that it's all expensive for me as I've paid £200 for a ferry and nearly the same again for a hotel.
I think I'll be letting myself down big time on the day, hopefully won't be the only parent. I'm a teeny bit jealous too, I wish it was me going to a new place, new start, all in front of me.
I'm a widow so my eldest son and I are really close. I have another son at home who has already gone into trade (sparky) and looks like he's going to do well for himself. The youngest and I would clash a lot so that's going to be interesting.
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29/8/2015 at 2:57pm
Location: east midlands
Outfit: swift 530
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Hi all
I remember feeling like this 3 years ago, my son is about to start a Masters this year so we are entering year number 4. We still have a great relationship, university doesn't change that it just gives them more confidence, life experience and lets them grow up that last phase.
To help with your anxiety:
What I recommend first of all join the student room there is a parents forum on there which will give you some support. There are lists of what your child will need to take.
Get yourself a Facebook account and learn how to use it, friend your child but remember the rules no commenting on posts, no complaining. You can at least see how happy they are and what fun they are having. You also have the advantage of using Facebook messenger to chat.
If you child uses Twitter it might be nice to learn about that, posts will tell you that they are fine :). Same rules though no commenting or complaining.
Find out if the university your child is attending has a peer guide scheme, you will then know what the university is doing to help your child settle. You can if you wish follow the university on Twitter and see the activities they have planned for freshers.
If you are worried about dark nights, walking back from night clubs then get your child a phone contract and tell them to give you a ring if they are walking home alone in the dark and want some support, you can then chat happily as they get safely home. If they don't ring you will be able to reassure yourself that they are feeling safe and settled.
For myself we dropped out son off and settled him in his room, we then went and stayed in a hotel about 40 minutes from the university for the weekend (we live 4 hours from the university). We were near enough to feel we could go back if things went wrong but far enough away that the temptation to visit or drop in uninvited was removed. Of course he didn't need us and was fine. We had a lovely weekend.
We then didn't visit for a month, it was better for him and us (it is tough). We had Skype chats, messages and phone calls all set by him as to when he wanted to contact us. My sister in law went to visit weekly over the first month and both her children were unsettled because at weekends when they should have been making friends and mixing they were spending time with Mum and Dad, so they found it harder to settle into the friendship groups.
Personally I sucked it up and didn't cry I didn't want to embarrass my son, wait until you drive away. I know this isn't easy especially if you are a bit hormonal. The secret to help is to prepare as much as possible by helping them get everything you think they might need, spend these last few weeks showing them how to use the washing machine, cook a few basic meals and to manage in general.
Remember they will be fine, you have spent 18 years bringing them to adulthood, have faith in your parenting skills. You will get back a more confident adult who has had an incredible life and learning experience. They aren't gone forever December soon arrives, as campers and caravaners we have the excuse that we are visiting the area and can pop in to see them. Just don't do it too soon.
Yes we all worry but imagine how much harder it would be if they weren't able to achieve this dream.
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29/8/2015 at 5:11pm
Location: Northern Ireland
Outfit: Bell Tent Vango Coleman and Quechua
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Thank you Madz for taking the time to post. Some of it is already done, as in the mobile contract and the FB (he doesn't use Twitter).
I can't go over and see him easily, due to the costs and the ferry, but at the same time I wouldn't be too keen to disturb him through that first term. He's already said he doesn't want me to visit, although I'll tentatively ask him that again in and around October and hopefully get a night or two over.
He's a bit Aspergers, undiagnosed (cause enough to investigate but no conclusion, were told he's borderline) but he certainly has stronger traits as he gets older. He's very fixed in things like his opinion of people, e.g. he hates drunk people and one of his concerns is that he'll have to look after drunk room mates. I suspect that there'll be lots of challenges for him to come.
We are sailing over on the Friday evening, staying in a hotel that night. The rough plan so far is that on the Saturday morning move him in, then a trip to the shop to fill up on some fresh food and some last minute things. I'll leave him at Halls and go back to the hotel. I'll have to keep myself busy as I'm not leaving until late the next evening. I have asked him if he wants to meet up for a big Sunday Lunch and he said yes to that. I'll meet up with him somewhere nearby and then we'll go off on our separate ways.
The move in day changed, if I'd have known I wouldn't have stayed an extra night.
Thanks for the tip about 'The Student Room' I'll go have a look now.
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29/8/2015 at 8:09pm
Location: east midlands
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Cumbria university forums
The student forum and lists really helped with those little worries.
Honestly try not to worry to much, it sounds as if you have made great preparation. The Sunday lunch is a great idea :)
Although my son does enjoy a drink he rapidly got fed up with it. There were lots of sports clubs, computer clubs, subject related clubs to join at his university, certainly there were those who got wildly drunk but there were others in the group who just enjoyed the sport and company.
In my experience everyone seems to go through a tough session somewhere in the first 3-4 months but they do get through it. I know a lot of young people through my involvement in Scouting which is how I seem to know about lots of youngsters experience, plus I have 2 friends who work in university student support.
I did find a couple of times my son took me up on the offer of a chat whilst walking home, so I did find saying that worthwhile. If you are close now you will always be close.
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29/8/2015 at 9:08pm
Location: Staffordshire
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It's a good idea to have booked the hotel and to take him shopping to stock him up with all the basics.
There are lots of clubs and societies to join at Uni, and if he goes to freshers fair, he can try out all the things that take his fancy. Each group has socials (nights out) and some of the sporting ones especially can involve lots of drinking, but my daughter found there was something to suit everyone. If he's in halls in a shared flat, he will soon make friends with the others. They are all in the same boat and feeling a little apprehensive.
He will be back home at Christmas (comes round quick, honestly) a more confident person, looking forward to going back to Uni and having a wonderful time. It changes them in my experience, for the better.
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