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Subject Topic: One for today Post Reply Post New Topic
via mobile 04/1/2023 at 7:34pm
 Location: Shropshire
 Outfit: Bailey Phoenix GT 75
View 664DaveS's Profile View Profile   Reply to 664DaveS Reply   Quote 664DaveS Quote  
Joined: 24/7/2007

Diamond Member
Diamond Member

Forum Posts:   4377

Site Reviews Total: 55
Site Reviews 2024: 2  
Site Reviews 2023: 8  
Site Reviews 2022: 6  
Site Reviews 2021: 6  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 3  
Site Reviews 2018: 4  
Site Nights 2024: 16
Site Nights 2023: 55
Site Nights 2022: 54
Site Nights 2021: 56
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 20
Site Nights 2018: 41

Waiter: "How do you like your steak,sir?"

Sir: " Like winning an argument with the wife"

Waiter: " Rare it is!"

-------------
DS-There's more to life than football!!!


10/5/2023 at 8:53pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   744

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 0
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

I've been informed that it isn't good to keep things bottled up.

My question is, "How long should I take to drink this case of wine?"

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


10/5/2023 at 8:57pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   744

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 0
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

Why don't eggs taste like chicken?

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


01/7/2023 at 11:14am
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   744

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 0
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

I asked my wife, “ How come you never agree with me?”

She said, “ Well, if I did that, then we both be wrong.”

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


13/7/2023 at 5:17pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   744

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 0
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

I bumped into Cat Stevens on a camp site.

He looked upset, so I asked him what was the matter.

He said his awning had broken.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


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14/7/2023 at 8:19am
 Location: Perth
 Outfit: Bailey Ranger BMW 320d Convertible
View Rod+Ali's Profile View Profile   Reply to Rod+Ali Reply   Quote Rod+Ali Quote  
Joined: 31/12/2006

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   694
Tent Reviews:   1

Site Reviews Total: 24
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 3  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 2  
Site Reviews 2020: 1  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 2  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 19
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 7
Site Nights 2020: 8
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 6

My mate's wife has just left him for a tractor salesman............she left him a John Deere letter.

-------------
"quando omni flunkus moritatus"


14/7/2023 at 8:42am
 Location: The foot hills of no
 Outfit:  A full biohazard su
View moppetsdad's Profile View Profile   Reply to moppetsdad Reply   Quote moppetsdad Quote  
Joined: 29/3/2009

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   1032
Tent Reviews:   1

Site Reviews Total: 0
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 0
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
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Site Nights 2018: 0


I asked the lady in the hardware shop what's good for slugs

She said they like lettice

-------------
David

    

I've stood on Lego and didn't even cry!!


14/7/2023 at 8:52pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   744

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 0
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

Having my ears syringed is one of the most painful things I've ever had done.

I can hear my wife perfectly now.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


24/11/2023 at 9:55pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   744

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 0
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance" says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Don’t you remember about three months ago when our car broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself !"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.




"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


24/11/2023 at 9:57pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   744

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 0
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance" says the husband, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and it's pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Don’t you remember about three months ago when our car broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself !"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.




"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


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25/11/2023 at 8:19pm
 Location: South Staffordshire
 Outfit: Coachman VIP 575 Volvo XC60
View EddieC's Profile View Profile   Reply to EddieC Reply   Quote EddieC Quote  
Joined: 16/5/2016

Standard Member
Standard Member

Forum Posts:   53

Site Reviews Total: 10
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 4  
Site Reviews 2022: 2  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 5
Site Nights 2022: 2
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

When I was young I was really mad about tractors.
As I grew older I lost interest.
So now I'm an ex-tractor fan.


30/11/2023 at 3:19pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   744

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
Site Nights 2023: 0
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

I walked into my local boozer and said to the barman, “Quick, give me a
double scotch!”

I gulped it downs it in one and said to the barman, “I shouldn’t have had that with what I’ve got.”

The barman said, “Why, what have you got?”




So, I told him, "40p."

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


via mobile 08/12/2023 at 8:46pm
 Location: Havant
 Outfit: Tent box on a traile
View jackie cassell's Profile View Profile   Reply to jackie cassell Reply   Quote jackie cassell Quote  
Joined: 27/9/2007

Gold Member
Gold Member

Forum Posts:   310
Tent Reviews:   1

Site Reviews Total: 11
Site Reviews 2024: 2  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 9
Site Nights 2023: 0
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

Three scientists a monkey and an elephant
Three scientists started to feed an elephant daily and put a Cork up it's bottom while feeding the elephant daily they traing the monkey to extract the cork on the given day the experiment one scientist stands 3 feet away from the elephant the second stands 6 feet away and the third stands 9 feet away on the word go the monkey is given the instruction to pull out the Cork the third scientist standing 9 feet away has poop up to his waist the second scientist standing 6 feet awy has poop up to his chest the first scientist is over his his head in poop and is laughing hysterically what are you laughing about the other 2 scientists asked you should have seen the monkey trying to put the Cork back

-------------
Jackie


17/12/2023 at 4:57pm
 Location: Location Location
 Outfit: Smart slacks and an Armani jumper
View Sean's Profile View Profile   Reply to Sean Reply   Quote Sean Quote  
Joined: 23/4/2002

Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   1209

Site Reviews Total: 0
Site Reviews 2024: 0  
Site Reviews 2023: 0  
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2024: 0
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Site Nights 2022: 0
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Site Nights 2020: 0
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My mate has a bad stammer.

By the time he told us his Nanna had died we were all singing 'Hey Jude'.



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