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Topic: Banned from ASDA

664DaveS

27/5/2013 at 4:19pm
Location: Shropshire
Outfit: Bailey Phoenix GT 75

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Yesterday, I was at my local ASDA buying a large bag of Purina dog food for
my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I
had a dog.

What did she think I had - an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up
in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in
both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two
every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works
well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's
arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. I'm now banned from ASDA.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of daft things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...... it will be their
laugh for the day!

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DS-There's more to life than football!!!

SGThomas

27/5/2013 at 5:44pm
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It used to be "I stopped in th4e middle of the road to lick my balls"...but still a good joke

jeff juke

27/5/2013 at 7:50pm
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I liked it

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Animals have feelings..

JEFF................

SGThomas

27/5/2013 at 7:52pm
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But, Jeff, you are easily pleased

mattlad

27/5/2013 at 11:02pm
Location: Worcestershire
Outfit: Defender 90 and MyWay Voyager Raid

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I managed to get myself banned from B&Q. Some bloke in an orange bib asked me if I wanted decking.

Luckily I got the first punch in.......

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Love a lot. Trust a few. But ALWAYS paddle your own canoe!!

Minds are like parachutes:- They only function when they are open!!!
Those who talk don't know.
Those who know don't talk.

664DaveS

28/5/2013 at 9:07am
Location: Shropshire
Outfit: Bailey Phoenix GT 75

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Doh!

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DS-There's more to life than football!!!

Cave Troll

28/5/2013 at 12:01pm
Location: Lancashire
Outfit: Nissan Note 1.6 SVE :Khyam XL Classic

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I went to Sainsburys this morning and the sign outside says "Try Something Different", so I turned round and went to Asda

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R.I.P. Dottie Dog 24.08.1994 - 07.05.2007
R.I.P. Mr Bean 04.04.1996 - 24.09.2009

cmes

08/6/2013 at 5:46pm
Location: Leeds
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I was reading this thinking I've heard the dog food diet before... But i carried and on and almost lost the laptop laughing. love it.

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47 and only just learned how to work a sleeping bag

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