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Topic: Church Ladies With Typewriters

664DaveS

20/12/2017 at 8:37pm
Location: Shropshire
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Those wonderful Church Bulletins!Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters.These sentences (read carefully) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services. --------------------------The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children.-------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. 'The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'-------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.-------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.--------------------------Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.-------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.-------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.-------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.-------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.-------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast nextSunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.-------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.-------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.-------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge-–Up Yours.'

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DS-There's more to life than football!!!

magicgrotto

20/12/2017 at 10:14pm
Location: Doncaster
Outfit: Disco1 300tdi 1990 ABBEY STAFFORD

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Jack of all trades master of none !!!!

Bernie47

20/12/2017 at 10:15pm
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Must remember to come back and try again to read it when I've got a day to spare.

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Bernie

664DaveS

21/12/2017 at 12:36pm
Location: Shropshire
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Each to their own

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DS-There's more to life than football!!!

Bob61

21/12/2017 at 2:17pm
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That's the problem with copy and paste...it doesn't always paste as it copies.

SGThomas

21/12/2017 at 2:38pm
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Look and learn

Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences (read carefully) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services.

1) The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

2) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

3) The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. 'The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.

4) Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

5)Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help

6) Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

7)For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

8)Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

9) Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

10)A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

11) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

12)Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

13)Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

14)The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

15) Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

16) The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

17)This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

18)The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

19)Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

20)The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

21)Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

22)The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge-–Up Yours.'

paulduno

21/12/2017 at 3:33pm
Location: Liverpool
Outfit: As long as they last

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664DaveS

21/12/2017 at 4:33pm
Location: Shropshire
Outfit: Bailey Phoenix GT 75

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Joined: 24/7/2007

Diamond Member

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-------------
DS-There's more to life than football!!!

Bob61

21/12/2017 at 4:46pm
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