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Subject Topic: You decide, funny or not. Post Reply Post New Topic
via mobile 05/4/2019 at 2:17pm
 Location: Preston
 Outfit: None
View pnefan's Profile View Profile   Reply to pnefan Reply   Quote pnefan Quote  
Joined: 25/2/2013

Platinum Member
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Forum Posts:   923

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Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical.
A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise you’ve  got sugar diabetes.”
Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”


It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.


A Muslim bloke I work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on DVD
Being interested, I asked him to burn me a copy. Well, that’s when it all kicked off

An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said  "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".

"1st - Who was born in a stable?"  "Red Rum" he replied"
2nd - What do you think of Damascus?"  "It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive ?"
"That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the s**t out of them!!"


Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years "His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"  


A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy
but do you treat dwarves?"The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".


A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt't wi us."


A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a  gold statue made

by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"



05/4/2019 at 8:16pm
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View Mike3003's Profile View Profile   Reply to Mike3003 Reply   Quote Mike3003 Quote  
Joined: 15/7/2013

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I was driving down the A38 yesterday when I was pulled over by the Police.

“Do you realise your wife fell out your car 3 miles back the road”..........”That god for that” I replied “I thought I had gone deaf!”




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Not ALL Newts get p**sed.

“Semper Fidelis”


06/4/2019 at 8:03am
 Location: Isle of Wight
 Outfit: outwell vermont xlp
View kennyboy14's Profile View Profile   Reply to kennyboy14 Reply   Quote kennyboy14 Quote  
Joined: 28/9/2013

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06/4/2019 at 8:23pm
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View Oxonian's Profile View Profile   Reply to Oxonian Reply   Quote Oxonian Quote  
Joined: 26/3/2019

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Really funny ones for a change.

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GWR Gods Wonderful Railway


06/4/2019 at 10:52pm
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View Bob61's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bob61 Reply   Quote Bob61 Quote  
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A woman was seen by the police driving down the motorway while knitting. They drove alongside and shouted, 'Pull over!'

'No, socks' she replied.


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07/4/2019 at 11:24am
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View Oxonian's Profile View Profile   Reply to Oxonian Reply   Quote Oxonian Quote  
Joined: 26/3/2019

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I was walking along the beach yesterday and picked up a tennis ball,put it in my trouser pocket.
I met my old mate and he asked what I had in my pocket,I said Tennis Ball and he looked shocked and said he had Tennis Elbow some years ago and that was very painful

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GWR Gods Wonderful Railway


07/4/2019 at 11:47am
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View SGThomas's Profile View Profile   Reply to SGThomas Reply   Quote SGThomas Quote  
Joined: 16/10/2007

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Quote: Originally posted by Oxonian on 07/4/2019
I was walking along the beach yesterday and picked up a tennis ball,put it in my trouser pocket.
I met my old mate and he asked what I had in my pocket,I said Tennis Ball and he looked shocked and said he had Tennis Elbow some years ago and that was very painful





07/4/2019 at 9:11pm
 Location: 
 Outfit: 
View Mike3003's Profile View Profile   Reply to Mike3003 Reply   Quote Mike3003 Quote  
Joined: 15/7/2013

Platinum Member
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I was stopped by the Police yesterday, this Police Officer, aged about 12, said “Do you realise you were doing 88mph”

“That’s impossible” I replied “I haven’t been out an hour” 👍😀

-------------
Not ALL Newts get p**sed.

“Semper Fidelis”


08/4/2019 at 10:46am
 Location: Suffolk
 Outfit: Coachman Pastiche 525 4
View The Vicar's Profile View Profile   Reply to The Vicar Reply   Quote The Vicar Quote  
Joined: 20/3/2009

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Went to a Faith Healing meeting last night.
I left half way through as it was rubbish, even the guy in a wheelchair walked out.

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A Fart is only Natures Ringtone

Finish what you sta



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