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10/5/2020 at 12:48pm
Location: liverpool
Outfit: lunar
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Joined: 16/5/2006 Standard Member
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Matters of two neighbours :
Hi Max. This is Richard, next door. I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to getup the courage to tell you face to face. When your not around, I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night, probably more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently. I know that’s no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can’t live with the guilt and hope you’ll accept my sincere apology and forgive me.
Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll gladly pay you
Regards
Richard
Max, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his shotgun, went next door and shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa, Max then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard:
SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:
Hi Max, Richard here. Sorry about the typo in my last text. I assume you had figured it out and noticed that the damn spell checker had changed “wi-fi” to “wife” Technology huh, It’ll be the death of us all
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11/6/2020 at 3:28pm
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Joined: 16/10/2007 Diamond Member 
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A golden oldie
Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, ‘You were drunk again last night weren’t you?’
Patton said, ‘Why you say such a mean thing?’
‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ……. it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
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Topic: joke
via mobile 10/5/2020 at 11:33pm
